A few of my columns as of late have gotten some great attention from some of you.

It’s funny how that works. Without fail, the topics which sit in my brain for a bit, as I struggle with if they’re relatable seem to be the ones which land. I’m not sure why I haven’t quite caught on to the lesson of, just pen the piece, yet but here goes.

Recently both topics of ‘mean girls’ and social media prompted a few text messages, emails and responses from readers proclaiming “yes!” So in keeping with the go with my gut and just share some musings, I want to tackle a bit about friendship. More specifically adult friendship.

Before diving deep into this topic, I think it’s important to be clear on one thing I wholeheartedly believe, you don’t have to be friends with everyone. The flipside of this of course is not everyone has to be your friend and know what, that’s okay.

Now this by no means gives you a pass to be a mean girl, be rude, dismissive or any of the other things which may make a person feel bad about themselves. I mean, what does one gain from making another uncomfortable just because they’re not your cup of tea? Nothing.

I must be honest; this revelation has truly come to me in the biggest of ways over the past four years. As I’ve journeyed through this life and what it brings I’ve learned some friendships are actually not that, but rather transactional. Additionally, I’ve come to realize and accept just because we share mutual friends does not automatically make us friends. We just may not mesh and that’s completely okay.

Personally, I’m surrounded by some pretty stellar Boss Babes. I laugh as I type this, because these women are so humble and gracious they don’t see themselves as such, but they are. I’ve come to learn I tend to be a one-on-one type of friend. There’s no active girl gang group chat going on in my phone, yet they all know or know of one another. The beauty of choosing quality friends, those who truly get you, accept you and speak to your soul, is I can put them all in a room and they’d have a great time (even if I slipped out). I first experienced this about a decade ago and it was the most heartwarming and confirming kind of joy one can imagine.

Being an impressionable 18-year-old young woman, my daughter is always quick to share with me how much she admires our adult friendships. We are forgiving, understanding, supportive and brutally honest. That last one is important and doesn’t suit all and … that’s okay too. Those aren’t my people.

Over the course of the past few years, I’ve come to realize I just simply don’t have time for fake people in my life. Honestly who does? In my line of work I must admit, it took me some time to finally recognize the difference between true friends and opportunists or as I like to call them “transactional friends.” Those are the ones who reach out offering an enticing invitation to an event or even coffee, with an agenda (aka a story pitch) attached.

What I love about my true friends, my people, is they rarely contact me about a story. Nine times out of ten, I show up and they’re surprised or they say something in conversation and I prompt them for additional information for a story lead.

Recently my daughter and I were talking about this very topic and she brought up the bucket analogy. As she spoke to me about cultivating friendships which fill your bucket, I couldn’t help but stop her.

“See, that’s the thing,” I said. “I don’t want a bucket; I want a beautiful garden. I water my flowers. I love tending to my girls, checking on them and they me. That’s what friends do.”

I water my flowers and they water right back.

“I don’t keep people in my life who stomp on their flowers, neglect them and come back three days later with a bucket of water,” I shrugged. “Those are not my people.”

Oh, it’s work, sure and many of us go months without seeing one another, but the security lies in knowing given the call, we would each show up for one another – no question.

I get the bucket analogy and for many years I myself have used it. Yet in this season in my life I’m sort of past the what are you doing for me phase. I just want to be a good, loving supportive person to the ones I care about. Through time they have proven loyal and that’s enough.

Do we always get it right? Of course not. That’s where love, grace and understanding come in. It is, after all, a relationship and relationships take work, I think sometimes people forget that. At the root of it all is love.

As of late I’ve found if I’m frustrated by someone close to me, that tends to be the thing I say first, “I love them/her.” At the end of the day, that’s where patience and understanding come from.

So, what’s this all mean, really?

It’s really quite simple. Don’t be a mean girl. Don’t isolate to make yourself feel better. Being fake isn’t good for our bodies, be it in a box from the grocery or how we behave. Always be kind and it’s absolutely okay not to be everyone’s friend. Stay genuine.

Teresa Hammond is a staff reporter for The Oakdale Leader, The Riverbank News and The Escalon Times. She may be reached at thammond@oakdaleleader.com or by calling 209-847-3021.