I can’t watch Wheel of Fortune anymore without flying into a fit of rage.
It’s not that I hate the silly game show or despise its hosts that never seem to age. My beef is with that horrifying spinning wheel — eerily similar to the loading icon I get when I am writing stories and my computer decides it needs 15 minutes to comprehend the use of a return key.
I love Macintosh computers for video, photo or design, but something about the simple use of word processing software makes the tiny monkey inside my hard drive fly into a feces-throwing meltdown.
My frustration with my computer’s wheel of misfortune has led to a few foolhardy errors in the first year of my employment. At least that’s what I’m blaming it on, though a spinning wheel is hardly to blame for my misspelling of Hailey Turneee (err I mean Turney) or my lackluster identification of Riverbank High distance runners.
Mistakes at most jobs can result in a doc of pay or hours, but at the Oakdale Leader, a mishap on the news desk will land you a much more serious repercussion — doughnuts and coffee.
I owed Editor Marg Jackson coffee for forgetting to save an Athlete of the Week’s picture into the proper folder, and delivered fancy pastries to a recent staff meeting after a similar mistake this year.
It’s still my rookie year at the Leader, so mistakes are bound to happen as I brew and glaze my way past each issue.
I wish I was coddled a little more like NFL rookies, who ride into preseason games like Xerxes from 300 — striding across the backs of proven veterans with twice the salary and a ludicrous signing bonus.
Matthew I’m-not-as-good-as-Mark-Sanchez Stafford (that’s his real middle name, I swear) landed a contract worth nearly $80 million with over $40 million guaranteed last year.
He didn’t lead his team to Super Bowl glory, wasn’t named the rookie of the year and couldn’t even squeeze past Leonidas on the path to Sparta.
I’m disgusted with the greed of NFL rookies and their agents each year, and firmly believe that each rookie holdout should be placed in stocks and pelted with tomatoes until they sign. Their agents should be dressed as seals and set adrift off the coast of South Africa to be eaten by breaching great white sharks.
After they bring coffee and doughnuts …
Ike Dodson is a staff reporter for The Oakdale Leader, The Riverbank News and The Escalon Times. He may be reached at email@example.com or by calling 847-3021.